We at The Daily Nonsense have not been particularly kind to the time-traveling bandits behind the pseudo-publication known as “The Daily Nexus”. Our writers have referred to them as a “cabal of hacks” who publish “racist garbage”. So it was not particularly surprising that they eventually made an official response. What was surprising was when and how this response was made, and the heartwarming ending to the ensuing affair.
The Daily Nonsense was launched yesterday to much acclaim. The most evident testimony of its immediate impact was the reaction from a group of campus Republicans, who went back in time over 40 years to start a competing publication. These scoundrels founded “The Daily Nexus” in order to undermine our credibility and dilute our brand. For decades they prepared for the day when they would use their clout to strike the Nonsense down on the very day it launched.
That day came.
We're finally on @twitter! #socialmedia #brands #tcot baruffio.com/ds/— The Daily Nonsense (@thedailynexus) April 27, 2013
By launching on a weekend, we attempted to catch the Nexus off-guard and establish ourselves as the only legitimate news source:
NB: Campus Republicans are trying to dilute our brand by squatting on the @dailynexus account. They are NOT the Daily Nonsense!— The Daily Nonsense (@thedailynexus) April 27, 2013
Late that night, they struck. We at the Nonsense knew what was coming as soon as the Nexus tweeted a link to an article titled “Seth Rogen enjoys being in control”. We were threatening the Nexus’ control over the UCSB news cycle, and they were not pleased:
After 40 years of hegemony the Nexus was suddenly experiencing real competition. Having become so accustomed to being on top, they panicked and lashed out. It became clear that they were confused, no longer sure how to respond:
Finally comprehending the magnitude of our superiority, they acknowledged defeat:
After some hasty negotiations, it was decided that the Nexus would become a subsidiary of the Nonsense. As part of the agreement, they began retweeting our content:
But the merger was not entirely painless. Certain comments by one of our writers rankled the Nexus staff:
That is rather inflammatory! In addition, the article in question was found, on closer examination, to be a work of biting anti-racist satire. We therefore apologized to Mark Strong and the Nexus for the remarks of our feline mascot, and do so publicly again.
That misunderstanding aside, all is well between us:
@dunndunndunn <3— Daily Nexus (@dailynexus) April 28, 2013
The future looks bright for the joint Nonsense/Nexus. Going forward we will be officially merging into a single publication known as the Noxious. Thank you again for your support.