Readers of SBBS were introduced to Randi Rabin when we highlighted her provocative deconstruction of gender back in July. Now, Noozhawk’s J. Edgar Hoover Distinguished Visiting Professor of Feelings is back in the news with a short but insightful meditation on self-image and bodily autonomy. She recounts a question put to her recently by a female recipient of breast implants, who finds that her female friends have become “standoffish”:
I went from a 34C to a DD, and they are beautiful. I get lots of attention—usually from men, and most of them are my girlfriends’ husbands. How can I keep my friendship with the women in my life the way it used to be?
The superficial reply to these concerns would involve a discussion of how women can uphold patriarchy by blaming other women for expressing their sexuality and “tempting” men, and also how women are belittled for pursuing breast augmentation while simultaneously being valued only for their breasts. The superficial recommendations to “Betsy Boob” might include that she refuse to be ashamed of her body and demand that her “friends” stop blaming her for the behavior of their husbands.
But that would all be superficial. It would, in short, be the recommendation to LEAN IN. And we know by now that leaning in is not the answer to our problems. Professor Rabin recognizes this, and accordingly recommends that Betsy Boob instead lean back:
Try having an open discussion with your girlfriends about what is going on, and if by chance you are overly friendly with “other women’s men,” you may need to step back a bit—literally.
Randi Rabin understands that, aside from being a slogan for rich white women that ignores the structural issues that create inequality, the biggest problem with Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” movement was that it encouraged assertiveness and self-confidence in women. Rabin sagely warns that “if you are wearing low cut, extremely revealing outfits and leading with your ‘girls,’ rethink what kind of picture you want to paint here,” reminding us that feminism is dead and that there are certain things that women must not do, such as love themselves unconditionally.